Saturday, April 23, 2005

i'm at a crossroad. on one hand, i want to end e r/s perhaps cos i've lost hope in it. perhaos i'm juz too tired handling both his and my things. he's emotionally unstable and i'm emotionally drained. do i love him? i feel cheated at times. cos he's the one who made me tke the test. not that i'm considering the test as a great deterence. juz that i din feel that i shld be doing it for his sake. i felt that in the past, i din do it cos i trusted the other partner. i always wanted to but there wasnt a pressing need to. unlike in this case, i'm feeling compelled to tke it. cos he was in contact with some positive. his past affected me. his current changes are taking its toll on me. i'm not coping as well as i normally could in other r/s.

on the other hand, i noe tt if i leave him now, his world would crumble down. am i making too great an assumption?perhaps. cos i really duno if i leave him now, would i be hurting him even more? or will i be cutting damage to the minimal? things have changed alot btw us. no doubt he seems like a totally changed person and it's for the better. he quitted smoking. he quitted drinking. he quitted clubbing. he quitted mixing ard with those ajs. but thn is that changing anything on my side? perhaps in a way, i got used to his previous life style which leaves me with time on my own, breathing space that i wanted. but also a chance for me to meet F..

 D.A.  flew at 7:28 PM